Sunday Soapbox and Anniversary Weekend

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Our little family had a very lovely, miniature getaway this weekend.  It was just far enough from home to make us feel like we were getting away, Duluth, MN. Initially, we wanted to go to the North Shore, but after booking at the BlueFin Bay resort we were told the room we had hoped for was already booked so at almost 300 a night, I was not going to pay for a room I wasn’t 100% about. Oh, and did I mention this was for our wedding anniversary? By luck, I wandered onto a well rated hotel, the Beacon Point in Duluth and I was pretty much sold after looking through the pictures and reading about the resort amenities. Being that it was our anniversary I had some “special requests” for our room but as it turned out that was overlooked. On our drive there I received a call from the hotel stating just that and that they had 1 more spare room that we could choose to stay in because the room they reserved for us only had partial view of the lake. When we arrived, they took us on a tour of the spare room and we immediately FELL IN LOVE. Little did we know, that was their Pent House Suite! Overall, just a gorgeous gorgeous resort right on the lake, we truly had an amazing anniversary, even though our doting little trouble maker tagged along.

So—-we just celebrated, is celebrating, will celebrate our 8th wedding anniversary, September 15th, 2007 we were married. We’ve technically been together for a decade really. Over the years we’ve celebrated in many different ways and sometimes not at all actually. Truth be told we’ve had so many highs and yet so many lows along the way, I’m sure like most marriages, but in LOWS I mean losses. I think there’s been so much pain that we’ve had to dealt with together and by ourselves over the years, so early in life and so unexpectedly. And then there’s our marriage. And to be very candid, I’m not one to gloat about how wonderful my marriage is. That is a subject that most should choose to keep very private as it is a very private matter, but it’s not to say it’s perfect or broken in any way. I think when 2 people love each other and when they’re mature enough and certain enough about their emotions and intentions they allow themselves to relax and slowly bring down their guards, and as reasonable as that sounds, there are always pros and cons to everything we do in life. In the last year we have had to make some decisions that has dealt us many new cards in our life and marriage that we’ve never faced before. After 2 people fall in love and decide to spend their lives together, they tend to forget about how and why they started in the midst of trying to LIVE and juggle life. That person we once was so patient for, that person we once looked so good for, that person we once spoke so sweetly to, that person we once couldn’t fall asleep without, that person we wanted to spend every minute with, that person we once made our vows to. We may think it doesn’t matter anymore and that we no longer need to do those things we once did, but WE DO. The more you lose touch of those things, the further you tred from what it means. The further you tred, and the busier your life gets, before you know it, you’re 2 strangers living together, and the only thing you have in common is perhaps your children and the home you share. Indeed, we are not the same person as we were 5 years ago, or even a year ago, we too change with time, little do we know. There will be slip ups in life, but it’s at that point that you have to choose to get your bearings and put your feet back on the ground and recollect. Together, you have to make an honest plan, an honest negotiation, renew your vows if you may. A quick patch up is not and will never be the key. My husband, like all men are a huge supporter of quick patch ups, but I’m not. It’s ALL or NOTHING. I love whole heartedly and I do not settle for convenience and assurance. Men hate heart to hearts, men hate small talk period, but if you’re the driving force in your marriage don’t ever let that stop you, and if you’re not, then you SHOULD BE. And if you’ve done everything right and tried with all your might and the truth ends up hurting more than the lies, then at least you know you’ve held up your end of the bargain and it could have lasted a million years, but it would have been a million unworthy years. I’ve had many sleepless nights, we’ve had long hours of contemplation, and we’ve almost lost ourselves and each other, but I always followed my heart. It’s amazing how quickly two people can come together when the right things are being wagered.

I know every marriage is very different and that is absolutely fine, we all know what works for us and what doesn’t, but the most important factor is knowing whether you’re a spouse or whether you’ve become a stranger. We changed our COMFORTABLE habits, we dated again, my husband DATED me, and I think that really healed us. I felt like highschool-love again. I wasn’t just a wife, I wasn’t just his child’s mother, I am the love of his life. We’ve become the best we’ve ever been, NOT PERFECT, but we both know how much we’ve got to lose. We hit a dark spot in our life, but we defied the odds and took meaning to what our VOWS once meant. It has been 8 tremondous years, and I feel like I’ve known him all my life. To only more endless and beautiful years together, because love is not about constant reminders or public display of affection and emotions, its about NOT FORGETTING who you are to each other.

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