Hello and welcome back to another Tea Tuesday. There’s not much for tea today actually. I thought it was the perfect time to slip in between the Holidays to do a therapeutic check-in. Let me start off by saying I hope you’re all well, and I mean that in the most honest and sincere way whether I know you or not. I hope that whatever has changed and transpired in your life in the last six months or so hasn’t left you completely without faith. It’s been a tremendously painful year to say the least, but let me not entertain you on that note. I want to believe that in all things, we’ve gotta be able to find some good.
When the world turned upside down last spring, like most people I went through the many phases of dealt. I was neurotic and beside myself with fear Then I learned to cope with it. Then more news came in and things changed by the day if not by the hour. Working in healthcare can serve such a huge benefit but not without it’s price, knowing what goes on behind the scenes and seeing first-hand how critical decisions are made can sometimes make you feel so hopeless as a human being. And this doesn’t even take into consider all the high-level propaganda and or politics involved. So, with that small piece of background let me share just how much our lives have changed in a few short months.
We always took the pandemic seriously since the beginning. Even though our peace of mind slowly came back round circle, we made some very tough decisions that we’ve managed to stick with. We didn’t want to wait out the pandemic. We didn’t want to test the water or any of the theories. We put our family into full quarantine around the clock immediately which meant we cut out all physical connections with family and friends. We put an ending to outings of any sort, important or not, big or small. The only time we left our house was for the bare essentials and in the beginning it was only me who did the apocalyptic runs. It has been one of the most painful and challenging things to do, to not be able to see family. All the little things we forever take for granted. Zoom only does so much to satisfy the heart and longing but we felt like that was the safest thing we could do for the people we love. I remember the first time seeing my sister since the pandemic started. She stood outside my door, we both had masks on and she couldn’t/wouldn’t come in. She is a nurse, every day on the front lines. My son ran to her but she stepped back even farther. It was a brutal awakening, and a heart shattering one. Life as we knew it wasn’t so simple anymore, it was agonizing, lonely, uncomfortable, unknown.
Don’t get me wrong, there’s been many times since the pandemic hit that my family’s made plans to get together, assuring one another we’ve been quarantining and feeling well just to cancel plans again and again. As sad as that was, it’s was also considered LOVE – since none of us wanted to depart from a warm get together only to have something arise unexpectedly. We couldn’t live with that, knowing how many lives are at stake, aging parents and plenty of growing children. So although I’m not trying to shame people who still get together like a pandemic doesn’t exist, I’m just here to say that standing together and staying apart IS an option and IT IS certainly doable. I am so thankful everyone in my family to date is healthy and well.
By about April my eyelids started twitching. It was the most annoying twitch ever. And although I’ve experienced this many a times in my life, it was nothing like I’d ever encountered before. The twitching started on my left upper eyelid and then moved to the bottom lid, then moved to my right eye. The twitching started from sun up to sun down, endlessly throughout the day. Now if you know me, you know I am HIGHLY superstitious – so the stress only mounted. Either that or I feared a stroke was coming. And then everything came crashing down like dominos as I had imagined it would. The pandemic started to take away so many people from our lives. At first there was so much shock, and then it became numbing, it became statistical. No remorse or apologies could ever fill so many holes in the lives impacted. But when the twitching didn’t end, I knew it was going to get worse before it gets better and that made me wallow in misery. I went back to living in constant fear.
The twitching came to a slowed halt in September. I was relieved both physically and mentally and since then it hadn’t completely gone away. It comes back on somedays, a very mild, subtle twitch, almost like a gesture, letting me know the odds are still stacked against us in this world.
After all the deaths, I came to really think about my life. We are such superficial creatures living atop a first world pedestal. This pandemic, as deadly as it is, at the end of the day I can’t help but feel like it’s the natural order; nature’s do-over, and I say this in the most unmalicious way because of the many lives taken too soon. Look at how much the world has changed and is changing. Narrow that scope even closer to your communities, to our community. How much has already started to take shape in our culture? Quarantining has kept drama at bay, no events to stress over, no people to please. Everyone focusing on their safety and sanity. Who knew we could live without lavish funerals, that we could go on without booked weekends and unwarranted ceremonies and unnecessary rendezvous?
So what could I possibly be thankful for in such trying times? When I look back at the last year of pandemic life, three disguised blessings embarked into our life.
Aside from all the “quarantine with your spouse” jokes, my husband and I have actually bonded quite a bit in this time. For once life is at a slow and not really by choice. I think it goes without saying that we’ve both come to a mutual agreement on how short and precious life is. So to save you of all the mush and gush, we haven’t been more thankful for one another than we have been in the last 6 months. Due to the current situation of the world, we’ve accomplished things that we would have otherwise not completed such as our living wills. Even for very, VERY simple people like us, it was no walk in the park to complete this very daunting task. I strongly urge you to start working on these preparations if you have not already done so, most importantly if you have children. We started this discussion back in March and didn’t finalize the work until very recently. These are very intrusive and critical conversations and very much uncomfortable, especially being so superstitious, but now that it’s in place, we feel so liberated; in good hands. I think it was in these conversations that brought us closer and more endearing to one another because it’s not every day you’re forced to consider such dilemmas and decisions. You foolishly assume you’ll have each other forever. After all, do you really know what your partner wants? What his or her wishes are? Ask yourself that question.
If you haven’t found yourself with a little more change in your pocket these days, maybe you should start evaluating what you’re doing wrong (kidding). Yet – there is a little truth to this. I am so proud to say that due to the lifestyle changes the pandemic has forced upon us, we were able to meet our savings goals that we wouldn’t have met for another year or so. Our budget didn’t necessarily change per se but if you know me and you’ve read my blogs, you’ll already know where I save and cut on costs. Our biggest lump sum came from canceling our Hawaii trip. A budget that covered lodging, expenses and round-trip tickets for a two-week vacation for five people. We also canceled 3 miniature trips in between as well which put money back into our stash. Strict quarantining guidelines also keeps us in the house a lot these days so we’re saving money on gas, errands, and unnecessary spending – like impulse shopping, dining, personal and social outings; weddings, birthdays, baby showers, all sorts of celebrations. It doesn’t seem like much, but it really adds up. We’ve learned to adjust to minimal spending, and it works that much more when you see your bank account compounding. And I know this may not be the first thing people think about during a pandemic and harsh economic time, but we took advantage of the falling stock market in the spring and have already started to see a nice return.
My work life has also changed. I can’t say if it’s for the better but I’ve always dreamt of working from the convenience of my own home. That reality is in the midst of unfolding and now I’m having a bit of cold feet – only because I fear getting comfortable. Prior to covid, this wouldn’t have been an option, let alone a permanent one. But I’m looking forward to the day where I can be among my boys for more than just a few short hours a day. I believe I’ll learn to adapt to WFH as best as I can, but I know it’s the perfect blessing in disguise that works hand in hand with distance learning. My son is autistic and having a strict school-based routine is the most favorable option for his challenges and needs. The ability to be in his presence during these difficult times I feel will provide him the best well rounded education. We’ve been busy rearranging our home to accommodate my new work life. It’s been fun and equally stressful but the busi-ness has kept my son entertained, someone who doesn’t appreciate getting his routine interrupted. As much as he loves me, my working from home will be an interruption and distraction to his routine so we’ve been trying our best to include him in a little decision making and process planning to put a little control back into his hands.
With that said, I’d like to end my last note on parenting in unprecedented times. Mama’s and papas – I know you’re trying so hard. I can’t imagine how many of you go to bed perhaps soaked in tears at night, whether it’s worrying about food on the table, losing your job, losing your sanity, or managing distance learning. I only have 1 child but he is autistic with many challenges so sometimes the workload is double if not quadruple that. In any sense, when you find yourself at the brink and on edge, it’s okay to stop. One good grade or assignment turned in on time is not worth a week’s migraine or better yet a stroke. It’s very real and it can happen. Please take care of your mental health. These are high times and I promise you, we all have high blood pressure even if it’s not persistent and medically diagnosed. Get into the healthier mindset that we are not trying to raise scholars and leagues of the extraordinary, we’re trying to get through a world that’s burning. The little education that is happening is bridging the gap until the world finds it’s new normal. To be very honest with you, in the beginning I expected my son to learn like he would and should in a classroom. I anticipated on teaching him the little that I could. I set the same level of expectation. I was hard on him. Then I learned very quickly that it wasn’t working. I guess you can say I gave up, but not like how you think. I dropped the expectations, but I did the work with him. Yes, that means giving him the answers sometimes, and yes that also means taking a lot of breaks and breathers. I’ve learned to let it go. I’ve learned to forgive myself and him. It’s not their fault, none of them. As bad as our children can be, it really isn’t their fault, and neither is it yours. Most of us who have school age children are from the same generation. We are getting older. With the weight of the world on your shoulders, I hope you learn to let distance learning of all things go. It’s not worth your health and your character. Change is just as hard for our testy children and they also don’t deserve our sometimes-monstrous behavior as we don’t deserve theirs. Find that balance because your children need you, 100% healthy you.
For once in a long time I feel complete in a very fortunate way. In the last couple of months I’ve learned to truly be happy for what I have. Aside from the ongoing fear of safety for the people I love, I feel so truly blessed in every waking day. I’m not gloating and I’m not fibbing to sell positivity. At the end of the day, I truly have no hardship. I have a secure job as does my husband. We can afford our living expenses, our bills, and our responsibilities. We are prepared for now and as best as we can for the future. We’re healthy, we love each other, and we’re on the same page. I encourage you to count and accept every win no matter how big or small in these trying times.
I hope that after reading this, you’ll feel less alone in this struggle. I hope you consider all the impacts and implications of our new current world and make decisions to jeopardize no one including yourself. I hope you stay responsible, stay safe, and remain thankful. By this time next year, I hope a new world of peace has arrived and this post will be nothing more than a faint memory for you and for me.
Thank you as always, for reading. See you on the next one.
Sweetrowyn 